and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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