You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
