Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
