wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
