She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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