dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
