shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my shit smells like andre
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
