I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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