some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize