I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
