i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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