New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
