this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
