I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
