K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
