He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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