eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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