I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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