She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
