Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
