tell your sister to shave her snatch
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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