my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
