he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There r osticjed everywhere
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
