so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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