she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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