Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize