just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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