Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
