Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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