So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
