This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
