I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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