I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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