Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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