She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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