i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize