were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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