Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sober January is a disaster.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
