C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
