My friends, they love my intelligence
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize