Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
