worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
