is your mom at the bar?
Someone shit on the floor
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
