remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
