but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
