I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
