I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
