also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
