Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
