when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize