I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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