Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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