It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
