I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
