ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
