his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
