Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
