Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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