Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize