I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
