just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
