Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So many bounce houses so little time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
