Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
