Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
