i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
