I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
