Whatcha textin bout Willis?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize