guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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