You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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