Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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