i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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