If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
