You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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