it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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