what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
