you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize