I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
