I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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