How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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