I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
