We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
