So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
