remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
