i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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