Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
