I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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