If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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