i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Girls should come with a carfax report
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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