went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish you could order shots online.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
