i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize