Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
