do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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