I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
