oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
