I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize