Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
