are you still at the devil's house?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
