If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
