It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize