i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
