The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't motorboat a personality
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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