Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
