I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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