Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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