I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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