I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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