I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
