like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
