I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
