fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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