I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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