Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
